December 15, 2010

Back in Step, God's Waltz: Step Three

I tried reading from personal stories in EA's Big Book today.     I needed a reading that would get me past my apparent lack of faith.  I found no reading that had a relapse in it, like the one I had recently.

I am glad that CTC's author today spoke about Step Three.  Actually I have been stumped about how to work Step Three,  ever since I got back home from Thanksgiving's emotional malaise.  I've done the Step before.  It actually seemed easy, especially the first time I did the Steps. But now it seems like the words are in another language.

It is easy for me to admit unmanageability  (Step One) and know where it comes from in my peculiar emotional makeup.  I don't have to face God yet, in that step.  Step Two comes with some ease in repetition:  I am willing to believe in a return to sanity that is in the hands of the Wise One.

In Step Three, I made the decision that "God can take my burdens if I let Him." Take my burdens? After my fall, I feel so ashamed, that it seems to me that I must debase myself, to make myself small enough for God to have mercy on me.

To decide to turn my will and my life over to God (Step Three) requires live Faith--the byproduct of studying Steps One and Two.   I might get the two-step just fine, but the waltz?

How apropos that today's author compares surrender to dancing with a partner!    If I am the partner needing to show willingness, and I am broken in my faith, I cannot lead-- for I will lack in my awareness of my HP's will for me. At best, forward movement will get painful and awkward. We'll be out of step. 

Consider today's reminder in CTC:

"If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step. Then I can ask the God of my understanding to help me be a more willing partner."

"There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we like, but the program has shown me be God's will is the only way; it is up to me to to work with Him and turn my life and will over to  His care and guidance."  In All Our Affairs


  1. I don't really have an experience to share but I glanced at the quote on the reading for the 13th and it seemed to fit? "It is good to have an end to journey towards: but it is the journey that matters in the end."

    Whenever I lament about my current situation my sponsor always says I am right where I am supposed to be. Don't know if that helps....

  2. Well, hmm... as I feel more "normal", Marcia, I may be able to put that concept to work. "I am exactly where I am supposed to be".. let me use that as a mantra....

  3. Smitty, it took me a while to get Step Three, but I know that I don't have the answers. I can let go and not try to push for my solutions. If it is the will of my HP, then it will happen without my trying to orchestrate things for myself or others. I believe that you are much loved by God and others. Untighten the clenched fist and free fall into God's hands.

  4. Step 3 can be scary. For me, the words "turning our will and our lives over" reminded me of all the distrust I had experienced in my childhood. I know that I always have to go back to Step 2 to embrace Step 3. If I believe that a HP cares enough about me to restore my sanity then maybe I can trust. I'm glad I found your blog. Thank you for your honest sharing.


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~