January 8, 2011

Detaching With Love.... C, C and C

It was almost two years ago, I went to  my first Al-anon meeting. My mission was to establish ties between our fledging EA group and the more established 12-step groups in our community. 

My HP gave me a different gift, that was much more personal.  I immediately intuited that Al-anon's gentle teachings would help me make peace with a family member 3000 miles distant.  I immediately saw the validity of the principle "Detach with Love."   It took a year, to realize I 'd no idea how Detachment works.   In my second year, in a phone call with a friend who no longer attended Al-anon,  the three C's got my attention. 

Those Three C's-- a mnemonic of Al-anon-- help members accept the real nature of their  alcoholic conundrum:   I didn't cause my family member's dysfunction; I can't control it, and I can't cure it.  

Thanks Marcia for reminding me of the three C's in your recent post: .   http://mythinkinggotmehere.blogspot.com/2011/01/three-cs.html  Your personal experience, shared in a  minimalist style, keeps me coming back. 

Today I am Aware (and I Accept) that I cannot control the triggers that cause my dysfunctional family member to lose control over themselves and their sanity. I cannot smooth the way for their serenity—I am powerless! 

Like the author of today's CTC, I understand how truly powerless I am over my situation with my dry drunk. God's love for me gives me permission let go of obligations that only create guilt, and to see how beautiful life is.  

I care about my family member more than I can put into words. I wish her health, happiness and family peace, but I cannot hand these to her. I can only love her and when I stop to think about that, it is enough.  (For me it starts when I stop trying to walk on eggshells trying to please my mother!)

Once I admit and accept how truly powerless I am over the situation, I can let go of my need to fix their life. Instead I trust that my personality disordered family member has her own Higher Power and that together they can work out her future. I am a new person because I am free of the constant vigilance over her and am free to live my own life.

Every day, let me choose to put my trust in a Higher Power, knowing all is well. God's power takes over when I supply the willingness to let go. 


  1. "minimalist style". exactly right. :) thanks for the mention.

    Like you, I am letting God's power take over, I am willing to let go.

  2. It was with great pleasure that I mention your recent entry in my own post. The timing was perfect for me, and my gratitude needed to be shared!

    God's healing power helps us to know when it is time to let go...

  3. So true that the alcoholic has a Higher Power and I am not it.


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~