Not really wanting to go the route of analysis, which as of late has led me to paralysis.... I gave a bird's eye view of my triggers and LOOKED for the GOOD in what I have already done this week, to cope. I found positive steps taken following EACH triggering baseball game (and my family's emotional responses) and my own over-reactions to the night game that ended at 9:00..... and the storm that followed.
I shared with my therapist that I have discovered a three step approach earlier this week to working directly with negative emotions that I hope to experiment with. The blessing is a nice puzzle piece that fits right in with 12-step work. A good bit of what I shared with her was explicitly program. This felt cool!
I shared my intention with my therapist, to use that approach throughout the next few days, and to share the results of my experiment next time I see her. We have finally uncovered and identified something toxic that I do to myself called SHAME.
Maybe, in getting to understand shame I will learn to use my three step approach, called Welcoming Prayer. I can practice it any time of day, and it does not need to take even 20 minutes. I already experienced (under one set of ideal conditions) that it is a wonderful way to truly Let Go.... I shared it with a dear agnostic, and was not scoffed overmuch!
This seems to be the theme of the blogs I am reading today. Letting Go. My analytical mind gets stuck in a loop sometimes and it can paralyze me with negative outcomes. I have found out that my mind likes puzzles they keep me interested and entertained. If I hit on an idea or thought that can't be solved with thinking I shut down.
ReplyDeleteWhat helps me is to realize it is just a thought and how would I feel without it? Happier? It is just words passing through my mind I can choose to ignore it or replace it with something nice. Minute by minute.
It sounds like a healthy process. I find the Serenity Prayer to be so helpful in getting me out of a dark place where expectations rule.
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