So begins a bop upside the head that I needed today!
"In order to keep friends and family from interfering with their dysfunction, personality-disordered folks (just like true alcoholics) sometimes create diversions by attacking or provoking. Those of us who are affected by the dysfunctional person can tend to react, to argue, and to defend ourselves."
Yes I have been exactly here. With my mom. This week.
The point of my mom's distracting activity is that nobody is able to directly address her sickness. "We are too busy focusing on the point that is being argued--any topic will do. And unfortunately, whatever vulnerability we defend against becomes more real."
Just reading this makes me mad. Instead, if I just take Step One, I'll find relief in admitting, I am powerless over someone else's disease.
Interestingly my mom's parting words to me this week, when I set a boundary and told her I could not stay on the phone to listen to mistruths spoken about me, were. "That's because you are SICK." Wow.
I did not have the strength or the weaponry to fight the accusation. In fact, I do have a so-called mental illness. I call it a vulnerability, and I respect myself for how I have come to live at peace with its gifts.
How glad I am to read these validating words:
"Defending ourselves by engaging with someone who is acting out of their illness or is otherwise irrational is as fruitless as donning armor to protect ourselves from a nuclear explosion. Only a Power greater than the situation at hand, can restore us to sanity."
I know that only I can be responsible for taking actions that make me safe. Only when I am safe can I make time to make real choices about how to respond. "I don't have to react instantly to provocation, and I am not obligated to justify myself to anyone. By turning to my Higher Power, instead of my ego, my wits or my will, I avail myself of the best possible defense."
"Once we learned to see our situation as it really was, we understood why it was necessary for us to turn to a Power greater than ourselves." Al-anon's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
Yes, and to this I say a loud Amen. I love EA. But. It is because such readings are not found in EA, that I found my way to Al-anon. Validation of my challenges was a part of my recovery.