I decided to admit that scary fact. I really didn't want to move. I did not want to look for the good, I wanted to admit the truth. But where did that take me?
I mean, what was there to say after I said I did not want to move? Even if I did tell people, "This is just the way I feel, and I know it will pass, " saying the words made the feeling even more obstinate, not less. I found myself not liking what I heard people said after I said those words. Too many people tried to fix me.
They are also people who are not in program. Or they are people who just don't understand me, and how important is is for me to speak "the truth."
I just hate putting a happy face on something , when I am uncertain about how I feel, or when I am really feeling trauma. But to do this in public places is frankly so energy dissipating, I have to give up full disclosure.
The best thing I can say right now is "I can let go." That will be my mantra, until I begin to believe it. Or the truth changes....