April 21, 2014

Starting from Where I am

It is likely my pre-occupation with the past is keeping me from enjoying the present.  Just can't quite see what it is exactly I am doing wrong right now. 

I know I need people.  I know that my "relevance" in my strongest online community has diminished, and it has come because I don't participate as regularly there. It may be an excellent time for someone else to be nurtured in this community and for me to step out.

There is grief in this, and loss, and I so wanted to leave on a positive, affirming note. Feeling good.  

I am missing my friend, K, with whom I have spoken by phone through thick and thin.  I feel so needy myself, and so ashamed for that need!  I care for her and so want her full recovery.  Of course, I grieve our loss of regular contact, and know it is I who can and will initiate encouragement.   I know I need to stay away from pressure  in phone calls, so I  email or text intermittently.  I have a contact with her husband, AND am loathe to press him for information.  She is my friend, and he is her mate. 

Gosh, when I feel good, I know what to do. I know how to  draw near my Higher Power in prayer and meditation. I sometimes feel that to do program well, I have to show up being well….  But wait, my HP does not demand that of me. Why do I demand that of myself?

Can I accept that, just for today, I am broken? And pick myself up from the purple puddle on my floor? 

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