Tonight I shared my decision to use the Do Not Disturb function on my phone to ensure that I receive no buzzing or ringing from my nada, when she calls. As my nada is a private or blocked or no caller id caller, I cannot block her, but I can make my phone shut up and deliver the serenity of silence for her haranguing calls, while letting all my regular contacts get through. This feels like bliss, wish I had figured it out six months ago. I could have done without the calls while I was visiting my paternal relatives during the memorial preparations, too.
And it would have been nice if my DH had not felt obliged to answer the phone when I was in the hospital late last year. An embarrassment, says my nada mom. A piece of working out stigma, says the wiser part of me.
Tonight my brother gave me two criteria for choosing a sane path of action. It is good to always use them as a litmus test in arguments. First, is the problem being presented an important one to you? Second, can you effect change, in yourself, your environment or another person? If the answer is no to both questions then F--k Everything And Run (FEAR).
Thanks D, for that gem~
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I wanted to share that nada is a term I use for my mom, sometimes. I know that the term can seem to dehumanize her. Still I chose it for those times when I cannot find any useful way to relate to her, and when I have reached a place where I do not feel that I can care for her anymore, and when what she has to say is incredibly hurtful or unhelpful. Truth be told, she has been often woefully inadequate as a mom. It hurts to say that, it hurts so much that I would NEVER tell her I found her inadequate.
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