Long long ago, a fellow traveller in program said that they could not work with me if I continued to hold a resentment towards my mom. One problem. The person who wanted to place this restriction on me had lost her mom to death, the final arbiter.
My responses were pure, fresh and logical weren't they? So my first response to this person was, "WHAT resentment? My mom is clearly not acting like a normal person." ANY reasonable person would point the finger at my mom as the instigator. But wait, I played my part in creating insanity! I mean I stuck around for the bad treatment, over and over again, didn't I? Worse yet, I may have been trying to teach my mom how to be loving, but I ended up angry and hateful after 90% of our conversations.
Eldridge Cleaver's words ring true for me and so I shall share them here: "The price of hating other people is loving oneself less."
It's true. Whenever I engage with my problem person (AKA nada mom), I find myself angry and hating towards her, and I love myself less. I may think I am trying to be loving towards us both, but it is not POSSIBLE when I am angry. That is the logic, even intrinsic to emotions, which folks keep telling me are illogical. They are not.